Take the Quiz

Physical violence is easy to recognise; this check is aimed at recognising emotional and psychological abuse. Not all abusive relationships are intimate partner relationships – you might be worried about your relationship with your partner, but most of these questions can be applied to other relationships – for example with parents, other family members, or even friends. Try to answer every single question. However, if a question isn't relevant to your relationship, you can skip it. 

Download PDF paper copy

1. The person is supportive of my relationships with other family and friends Yes No
   Yes: 0, No: 1
2. The person constantly monitors me and/or monitors my phone and other devices Yes No
   Yes: 3, No: 0
3. The person blames me for how they’re feeling, or their actions Yes No
   Yes: 1, No: 0
4. The person respects my thoughts and feelings Yes No
   Yes: 0, No: 1
5. The person makes me feel guilty Yes No
   Yes: 1, No: 0
6. The person threatens to take the children away from me Yes No
   Yes: 3, No: 0
7. Children see or hear us arguing or fighting regularly Yes No
   Yes: 3, No: 0
8. We make important decisions together, and they take my opinion into account Yes No
   Yes: 0, No: 1
9. The person treats me like a servant Yes No
   Yes: 1, No: 0
10. The person controls/takes all of the money Yes No
    Yes: 3, No: 0
11. The person uses our money to buy things for themselves, and puts their needs first Yes No
    Yes: 1, No: 0
12. The person is supportive and encouraging of my interests and choices Yes No
    Yes: 0, No: 1
13. The person threatens to hurt me, my family, my friends or my pets Yes No
    Yes: 5, No: 0
14. The person makes me do things I know are wrong or illegal Yes No
    Yes: 5, No: 0
15. The person threatens to report me (to school/The Police/Oranga Tamariki (CYFS), Work & Income), or threatens to talk about me to my family or friends) Yes No
    Yes: 3, No: 0
16. The person says they will kill or hurt themselves, or people/animals I love if I leave them Yes No
    Yes: 5, No: 0
17. The person scares me with their looks, actions or gestures Yes No
    Yes: 1, No: 0
18. The person destroys possessions or property Yes No
    Yes: 1, No: 0
19. The person hurts or abuses animals Yes No
    Yes: 3, No: 0
20. The person puts me down, or makes me feel bad about myself Yes No
    Yes: 1, No: 0
21. The person constantly criticises what I say, what I do, or who I am Yes No
    Yes: 1, No: 0
22. Sometimes the person makes me feel crazy, mad or stupid Yes No
    Yes: 1, No: 0
23. The person hurts or abuses me (physically, psychologically, emotionally or sexually) Yes No
    Yes: 10, No: 0
24. The person forces, intimidates or pressures me to do things I don’t want to do Yes No
    Yes: 5, No: 0
25. I’m sometimes frightened the person is going to hurt me Yes No
    Yes: 5, No: 0